I've got a secret;

(Source: throughthelight, via 30-secondss-to-mars)

stop-to-smell-the-r0ses:

INSTANT FOLLOW BACK <3

(Source: fresh-souls, via readytobeaamazed)

(via readytobeaamazed)

I’m planning a trip to California for my 18th birthday. This is honestly crazy. I’m gonna pay someone to drive me to the airport in the morning on December 14th or 15th, and my flight will leave early in the morning. I’ll call my mom when I get there and let her know that I’m safe and that even though she’s gonna hate me, I had to do it. I have all the financial stuff set up on paper. I’m about to make a “California” jar to put money in. I know I have to save roughly $70 each month. I’m buying my ticket at the end of August hopefully, given that everything works out between now and then. The money that I save after that will be put towards my tattoo I’m getting while I’m there. Also, I just called Southwest Airlines and asked how old I had to be to buy a plane ticket. There isn’t a minimum age. There is literally nothing stopping me right now. Now I just gotta wait until Alicia or Laura sees it and tells me it’s a stupid idea. Yeh guys, don’t worry. Nothing’s set in stone yet. I just need something to look forward to. Only 305 days.

Yesterday I was at work, and everything was going fine. I was getting my homework done because it was slow, and I had just finished math. He was supposed to text me when he got up that morning, but it was 5 o’clock and I hadn’t gotten a single word yet. I gave in and texted him. It said, “So I’m assuming you’re up, you should come visit me at work (:” 

That’s when all hell broke loose. He responded, “I’ve actually been up for a while, my parents talked to me this morning.” I felt weak in the knees and I started to see black spots. He went on to explain that his parents had found out that we’d been secretly seeing each other. They didn’t approve and had threatened to kick him out of the house if he continued to see me.

He said he didn’t know what was going to happen to us, but agreed to meet me after he got off his shift. 

That’s when I started writing. First I wrote a poem, I was in a daze and when I read it back yesterday, I could barely remember all of those words leaving my pen. Then, I wrote his mom a note. It was a note begging her to let me keep him. I explained everything in it. How I felt about him, about my past, future, and how I wasn’t doing this to hurt anyone, or to please anyone but myself and Tom.

I drove to Alicia’s house. I still had an hour after I got off work to kill before I’d be able to see him. She proofread my letter, and made me feel slightly better. It wasn’t until Tom got into the car next to me and asked if I wanted a hug, that I broke down in his arms.

My tears were coming from a source I didn’t even know. It was like I could feel tears rolling down my face, but I didn’t feel them leaving my eyes. We stayed like that for five minutes. I never wanted to let go of him. I was afraid that if I did, he’d be gone forever.

Finally, something told me I should; I wanted to see his face. We pulled back to look at each other, but he did not lean in to kiss me as I’d expected he would. We moved to his car so we could smoke a cigarette. He lit them at the same time, just like he always does when we have a smoke after having sex. It made my breath catch for a moment.

We sat in silence for a long time, staring at one another. We were caught in a state that was somewhere between agony, and anger. When, at last, we spoke again, he told me to promise him something. I choked out the word, “What?” There was a long pause. He told me that he didn’t want me going back to anything from my past “if this ends tonight.”

Those four words set off a whole new stream of tears. I said I wouldn’t. Then I repeated “This can’t be happening” over and over. Each time I believed it a little less. When I changed to, “This isn’t fair,” Tom came back with “No one said it would be. From the very beginning, we knew this had an expiration date on it.” 

I closed my eyes and thought. All I wanted was for him to kiss me. I told him that I didn’t know why he wouldn’t. He kissed me then, and it was the most passionate kiss I have ever received in my whole life. When he pulled back, he confided in me, “That’s because every time, I’m afraid it will be the last one.”

I told him about the note I wrote his mom. I asked if he wanted to read it and decide whether or not I should actually give it to her. He said he wanted to read it so I went and got it from my car. When I got back, he had lit another cigarette. He unfolded the pages and began to read.

As soon as he started reading, I noticed that his drags grew farther and farther apart. When he got to the bottom of the first page, he put the cigarette out. For a minute, he put his head in his hand and sat there for a minute. I could tell the exact part he was reading by where his eyes were directed. He finished, looked up, and thought for a moment. I let him. His eyes were tearing up.

His first thought was, “That was a beautifully written letter.” His second was, “There are very few things in the world that could change my mom’s mind, but if anything was going to at this point, this would be it.” I took the letter from him, and put it back in its envelope, only this time, I sealed it shut.

I told him I wasn’t going to be able to sleep if the envelope wasn’t opened. He asked me to follow him home so I could give it to his mom myself. Although he insisted he could just give it to her, I convinced him that it was something I wanted to do myself; it was something I had to do myself.

I got inside and immediately, the first thing I saw was his dad walking down the stairs. He looked surprised to see me, and gave me an awkward “hello.” When his mom walked out of their computer room she greeted me warmly, even though I knew that she knew why I was there. I gave her the note: “This is for you,” I said as I handed it over. She took it back by the computer. I could tell she was reading it by the smart ass comments she was making the entire time. Tom was flipping her off from behind the wall so she couldn’t see.

“As long as your mom doesn’t have a problem with you two dating, I don’t care.” She said when she was done. I couldn’t believe it. “Really?” I asked, to which she assured me yes. I explained, once again, that yes, my mom did know and if she really wanted to talk to her she could. She told me I was always welcome in their house and gave me a hug. That’s when I saw Tom extend his arms toward his own mother, who he complains about on a daily basis and has never been close with. He embraced and thanked her. 

The two of us walked outside, and as soon as the door was closed, I jumped into his arms. We stared at each other, again, but this time smiling like idiots. We knew we had just won a major battle in history, and being victorious had never felt so good. Then, we kissed, again and again. Both so happy to not be exiled from the other’s life. We had caught fire, and were both elated with the result of not burning.

readytobeaamazed:

for letting me keep him in my life.

(Source: great-freedom, via ineedhopexo)

Remember the other night when you and your parents were gone? I wasn’t.

Me and your brother fucked 3 times in your house the other night.

I slept in your house when you weren’t there.

Did you see that empty vitamin water on your counter? It was mine.

Thanks for going to that theater thing, you saved me 30 bucks on a motel room.

Did I forget anything in your basement?

Oh the things you don’t know…

(Source: th1s1snottheend, via beautiful-s-oul)